Octogenarian. Now I can use a six-syllable name for myself. This opens a whole new world of opportunity for me. I can introduce myself as “hello, I’m Jim the octogenarian.”  Or, to the question ‘what is your occupation’ I could say “I’m an octogenarian.”  This might rattle the IRS and put me on their special list. My business card could proudly proclaim “Octogenarian at Large.”  If I am not confused as a vegetarian, I am good.

You ask how you too may become an octogenarian. I will tell you. Although there is no formal training program or online study course for this achievement, there are certain ancient esoteric writings that have proved useful as guides. Unfortunately, these cryptic writings will not be found in your public library. However, as a certified octogenarian, I can  make  these ageless texts available to you.  For only $39.95 you will receive the complete English translations and, if you act quickly and while the supply lasts, I will send at no extra charge, my Corinthian leather-bound book “Everyday Living as an Octogenarian.”

To receive this incredible offer, send $39.95 in check or money order to this address.

Dr. Jim Cranford; 1259 Gehanna Rd, Elysium, Mo. 99705

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